


Wipeout

by Blame Canada (OneHitWondersAnonymous)



Series: South Park Drabble Bomb: April 2017 [2]
Category: South Park
Genre: Canon Temporary Character Death, Drabble, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Middle School, No Romance, One Shot, Prompt Fic, not sure what else to tag, that is the most kenny tag i have ever seen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-22 03:17:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10688667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneHitWondersAnonymous/pseuds/Blame%20Canada
Summary: Kenny doesn't have allergies. He guesses he's pretty lucky, but honestly, for all the other shit he goes through, it's probably a consolation prize at best.Submission for the second day's prompt of the South Park Drabble Bomb: Allergies.





	Wipeout

**Author's Note:**

> It feels weird to post something so short separate from something else, but I wanted to keep things in a series instead of a multi-chapter collection so here I am. This is for the second day of my Drabble Bomb project. The prompt was "Allergies". Enjoy!

Kenny supposed that, as a consolation for the curse of repeating grisly deaths, it was only fair that he would have a body free of allergies. When the first greens showed and the first sniffles punctuated the air, he could only point and laugh. Everyone hated it and hated him, but he loved to rub their snotty noses in it. As he’d decided, it was only fair.

“Can you die from this?” Kyle croaked, and Stan had to rub his back a few times in sympathy while he coughed through a throat that probably felt gouged by razorblades.

“I mean, I don’t think so. I think it’s mostly annoying?” Stan offered, shrugging slightly. Kyle glared at him.

“Yeah, annoying. I’ll tell you your suffocating lungs are an annoyance next time you need the spare inhaler. On that note, carry your own shit, asshole.”

Stan backed off with his hands up in surrender. “Woah, chill dude, okay? Sorry, Jesus.” Kenny laughed, and both their heads whipped around to look at him. He shrugged and fully enjoyed the way his coat’s collar obscured the view of his shit-eating grin. It was like his own private party in there, where no one would know just how much of a good time he was having. It was the greatest, honestly.

They walked through the last hallway of the middle school where Cartman would inevitably latch onto their gang. He was a textbook parasite, but they all kind of loved him anyway, like the rescue pet with a really jacked up eye or some shit but who was actually really nice and a good cuddle buddy. Except Cartman wasn’t really nice and Kenny could only assume he was a shit cuddle buddy. He was _definitely_ the kind of asshole to steal all the blankets. He hated the idea of cuddling Cartman before it even assaulted his mind. He’d probably whine about wanting to be the little spoon, ew. He shook his head and shivered, and earned a couple puzzled side-eyes from Stan and Kyle in front of him before they continued a conversation about grades or something. Kenny liked the confused attention, because he liked to remain a mystery. It was a hot character trait to have. On cue, Eric appeared from behind the lockers, and he flicked at the side of Kyle’s head.

“Is your body finally rejecting your ginger genes, Kyle?” He asked with a sneer, and Kyle clearly did not have the energy to fight with him like normal, because he just bowed his head and tugged his blanket over himself until he gave Kenny’s jacket a run for its money.

“Fuck off Cartman, I know you get allergies too.” His barely visible eyes shot daggers at him, and Eric scoffed.

“Psh, do not. Only gingers and Jews get allergies, and- oh, would you look at that? Two for one!” He flicked the side of Kyle’s head again with a snicker, and Kyle growled low in a way Kenny knew had to hurt him. It was probably worth it. He laughed again, and this time three pairs of eyes looked back at him with slight disdain.

“Just look at Kenny, Catholic and blond, and nothing bad ever happens to him! Well, if you don’t count the pop tart dinners and the rats,” Cartman joked, and Stan and Kyle, those bastards, giggled discreetly at his joke. Kenny’s sympathy for Kyle looking like the plague kicked his ass wore thin. That, and his irritation at Cartman’s comment struck the smile clean off his face. Nothing bad happened, yeah right. People just never remembered it.

His shoulders slumped in the way they did every time he started thinking too much about how lonely dying all the time was, and he looked down at the sidewalk covered in elementary school kids’ shitty chalk drawings. He absently walked inside the squares of a badly drawn hopscotch course while The Three Stooges went at it about some bullshit problem. He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets while he passed them in a quickened pace. _‘Woe is me,’_ he thought, and he was only mostly joking.

“Shut the fuck up, fatass! Just because me and Scott Tenorman _both_ happen to have red hair and allergies does not- oh shit, _Kenny!_ ”

He turned around at Kyle’s exclamation, but before he could ask anything, he looked down at the ground to see asphalt instead of sidewalk, and he knew some sort of deadly vehicle was speeding right toward him. Kenny sighed, not bothering to move out of the way, because what was the fucking point, really? The last thing he saw before he blacked out was Cartman running his sleeve across his nose, leaving a disgusting trail of snot across the fabric. _‘Fucking gross,’_ he thought, and right before the breath was snuffed out of him in a broken bloody mess on the road, he had a good laugh on the inside.

_‘Well, at least I don’t have fucking allergies, right?’_


End file.
